Filters of meaning

You can speak clearly and still be misheard. Because people don’t receive meaning, they construct it.

Imagine two people standing across from each other. Between them is a series of panes of glass—layered one after another. Some are tinted. Some are cracked. Some are fogged with age or etched with old stories. Every word, every gesture, every expression has to pass through those panes before it reaches the other person. And every pane refracts the meaning—bending, softening, sharpening, or even erasing it altogether. These layers of glass aren’t physical, but they may as well be. They determine what’s seen, what’s heard, and most importantly—what’s meant.

This is how meaning works. It isn’t received. It’s constructed.

You don’t experience reality directly. You experience it through a filter stack—shaped by emotion, identity, memory, culture, and language.

Think of it like those glasses from National Treasure—the ones where Nicolas Cage flips down different colored lenses to reveal hidden parts of the map. Only in our case, the map is meaning—and the lenses determine which part we see.

Why It Matters

You’ve had this happen before.

You said something with the best intentions—and it landed wrong. You tried to give honest feedback—and someone shut down. You walked away from a conversation thinking, “That’s not what I meant at all.”

And you’ve been on the other side too—misreading someone’s tone, misjudging their motive, overreacting to what turned out to be nothing.

This isn’t a failure of communication. It’s a failure of perception.

The reason this keeps happening? You’re not broken—and neither are they. You’re just speaking through different filters.

And the scariest part? Most people don’t even realize they’re doing it.

Every message we receive—whether a sentence, a gesture, or a silence—is passed through a individually unique stack of filters: emotion, memory, expectation, identity, culture, and language.

Each filter distorts or reshapes the message before it even reaches your awareness. Meaning isn’t something we absorb—it’s something we assemble, often without realizing it.

And when that constructed meaning threatens our sense of identity or belonging, something powerful kicks in:

The human brain will bend reality before it risks exile.

We’ll reframe the facts, reinterpret the tone, or reject the message entirely if it threatens our sense of identity—our ego, our self-image, or our emotional safety. That’s not irrational—it’s protective.

Pixar’s Inside Out captured this beautifully. In the film, young Riley’s internal emotions take turns controlling her perception of the world. Joy, Sadness, Anger—each creates a completely different experience of the same reality. Same input. Different filter. Totally different meaning.

This isn’t just about emotions. It’s about how your entire system of meaning-making works.

If you’ve ever wanted to be more clearly understood—or to better understand someone else—this is where it starts. Because meaning doesn’t live in the message.

It lives in the filters.

The Filter Stack

How Humans Construct Meaning

Every human being walks around with a unique and dynamic "filter stack"—a layered system of perception that shapes how they interpret reality. Let’s break down the primary filters:

Cognitive & Emotional Filters

• Memory & schemas: Past experiences color present interpretation. Your brain fills in gaps based on what it already knows.

• Expectation bias: You often hear what you expect to hear—and disregard what doesn’t fit.

• Emotion-meaning loops: Emotions influence perception, which influences more emotion. It's a feedback loop.

• Attention shaping: If you're not focused on it, it doesn't exist. Inattentional blindness is real.

• Identity defense: When something threatens who you believe yourself to be, your brain defends, distorts, or deletes it.

Embodied Cognition

• We don’t just interpret meaning with our minds—we feel it in our bodies.

• Posture, breath, movement, and gesture shape how we receive and express ideas—but it goes deeper than that.

• The physical state of our body—tense or relaxed, energized or exhausted—shapes how we interpret information. A compliment might land as criticism if your body is in a defensive state.

• Physical metaphors like "weighed down," "on edge," or "centered" reflect this connection. They're not just symbolic—they’re somatic.

• This is why going for a walk, changing your breathing, or simply standing differently can change how you understand someone’s words.

• In moments of conflict, your body may perceive threat before your brain does—and that perception can become the lens through which meaning is shaped.

Language Filters: Semantics & Pragmatics

• Semantics: What the words literally mean.

• Pragmatics: What the speaker intends based on tone, timing, relationship, and context.

• Example: "Nice job." It could be praise—or sarcasm. The meaning depends on the frame.

Semiotics: Symbols and Signs

• Every culture assigns meanings to objects, colors, gestures, and imagery.

• A red rose might mean love, grief, or danger depending on where you’re from.

• These associations operate beneath awareness. We respond to what symbols represent, not just what they are.

• In digital culture, emojis, visuals, and memes have created a new symbolic language—full of nuance and misunderstanding.

Cultural Filters: Collective Memory & Cultural Cognition

• Collective memory: The shared stories, traumas, and triumphs of a group that shape what feels true.

• Cultural cognition: We interpret information in ways that protect our identity within a group.

• Moral frameworks: What one group sees as loyalty, another sees as betrayal.

• If an idea threatens your tribe’s coherence, your brain may reject it—regardless of evidence.

Narrative Identity

• We all carry a life story—an internal narrative about who we are, where we’ve been, and where we’re going.

• Messages that align with our narrative are more easily accepted. Messages that contradict it are often resisted.

• Narrative identity isn’t just about the past—it’s about the story we’re still writing. The brain doesn’t think in static facts—it thinks in timelines. We make sense of the present by connecting it to where we’ve been and projecting it toward where we’re going.

• If a message contradicts the version of the past we’ve accepted—or disrupts the future we’re working toward—it can feel like a threat to who we are.

• That’s why someone might reject helpful feedback, resist growth, or double down on a belief: because it doesn’t fit the story. And without awareness, we don’t realize we’re protecting a narrative, not necessarily a truth.

These filters aren’t static. They shift based on your mood, energy, environment, and experiences. But the more you can recognize them, the more power you have to shape the meaning you give—and the meaning you share.

Meaning-Making

By now, you're starting to understand how we filter meaning—through memory, emotion, language, identity, and more. But here’s the deeper truth:

You’re not just a speaker or a listener. You’re a meaning-maker.

Once you become aware of that, you have a choice: to drift unconsciously or to step in with curiosity, clarity and agency.

Awareness changes what we see, but we have to do something with it.

Imagine this:

• A leader pauses before giving feedback and asks, “How are we feeling coming into this conversation?”

• A partner says mid-argument, “Hold on. How are you hearing what I’m trying to say?”

• A team member reflects after a meeting, “I think I reacted more to how I felt in the moment than what was actually said.”

These moments don’t happen by accident. They come from a choice—to slow down, to notice, to see.

Take The Office, for example—miscommunication is practically a main character. What if someone—anyone—had paused long enough to ask, “What did you mean by that?” Sure, it would’ve cut the tension and the conflict that made it funny. But it would’ve created connection—something all of those characters were quietly longing for. (Sorry for ruining The Office.)

You don’t need to control the filters. You need to acknowledge them.

Because once you do, you gain access to something most people never experience:

Mutual understanding.

There’s a word in Zulu: “Sawubona.” It means, “I see you.” Not just your face. Not just your presence. But your being—your emotions, your history, your filter stack. It’s not about agreement. It’s about acknowledgment.

Navigating the Filters

Filters aren’t the enemy. They’re part of being human. But when we become aware of them, we can begin to navigate them—with intention, empathy, and skill.

For the Listener

Your job isn’t just to hear what’s said—it’s to discover what’s meant.

• Notice your filters
  When tension rises, ask yourself: “Am I reacting to what was said—or what it meant to me?”

• Slow your emotional reflex
  Don’t respond immediately when triggered. Try: “Can we pause? I want to make sure I’m hearing you clearly.”

• Ask clarifying questions
  “When you say __, what does that mean to you?”
  “Can you give me an example of how that plays out for you?”

• Zoom out
  Remind yourself: They have a filter stack too. You’re hearing their meaning through yours.

• Be a mirror
  Reflect what you heard: “So what I’m hearing is…” This creates a feedback loop for mutual clarity.

For the Speaker

The goal isn’t to control how you're understood—it’s to give meaning the best chance to land well.

• Tell stories
  Storytelling is one of the most powerful ways to create shared meaning. Research shows stories create neural coupling, where the listener’s brain begins to mirror the storyteller’s. Stories bypass resistance and synchronize understanding.

• Use metaphor and image
  Make abstract ideas concrete: “It’s like trying to steer a ship without a compass.”

• Name the gap before it shows up
  “This might land differently depending on how you’re coming into this—so here’s what I really mean…”

• Check for resonance
  Ask: “What are you hearing?” or “Does that make sense from where you’re coming from?”

• Regulate your presence
  Your tone, body language, and emotional energy are part of the message. You can’t fake being grounded—get there first.

• Frame with shared values
  Especially when bridging cultural or ideological gaps, link your message to what matters to both of you.

For Both

• Communication isn’t a transfer—it’s a collaboration.

• Instead of aiming for perfect delivery, aim for iterative clarity: slow down, double-check, and realign as needed.

• Your job isn’t to be perfectly understood—it’s to be open to being refined in the moment.

Responsibility of Meaning

You are a meaning-making machine, and that comes with a great responsibility.

You don’t just absorb the world—you interpret it. And you don’t just communicate facts—you shape how others perceive reality.

The more aware you become of your filters—and theirs—the more powerful, compassionate, and connected you become.

Meaning isn’t fixed. It’s fluid. Which means it’s something we can create together.