Expired belief
The belief wasn’t wrong.
It just had an expiration date.
I started my first company in 2007, solo. Like many entrepreneurs, I was doing everything—not just because I had to, but because I believed I could make it special if I did it. That belief ran deep.
It shaped the way I wrote every email, responded to every message, handled every client interaction. Delegation didn’t feel like a strategy—it felt like a dilution. I couldn't imagine handing off something as personal as my inbox.
And that belief had a payoff. Clients felt something they'd never felt before: attentiveness, care, detail. They felt seen. Valued. Held.
That feeling became the selling point. And over time, that belief embedded itself in my identity.
It said: "If I touch it, it becomes meaningful. If I hand it off, it becomes less."
That belief helped me grow and become successful by most measures. But slowly, quietly, it also trapped me.
Years later—in 2016—I was still leading from that belief. Still holding onto everything. Still treating every client touchpoint as precious. Still struggling to let go.
Until it all broke.
The pressure, the scale, the pace. I hit burnout. I walked away from the business I built because I couldn’t see how to keep going without betraying the belief that had once made me successful.
Fast forward to 2022. I was leading again—this time inside another startup. Bigger team. New context.
And yet… the old belief started whispering again. "Just do it yourself. They’ll feel it more if it comes from you."
But something in me paused.
This time, I asked:
What if the belief that got me here is now the very thing keeping me here?
So I flipped the frame.
Instead of asking: "What do I need to protect?" I asked: "What can I give away so I can focus on what I’m made for—not just what I’m capable of?"
That question changed everything.
I hired an executive assistant. Not because I was drowning, but because I was finally clear.
She took over the things I had once considered too precious to share—and she did them better, way better.
Suddenly, everything multiplied: my capacity, my focus, my creativity.
Because I stopped carrying what was never mine to carry forever.
Zen Parable
Two devout monks are walking a long dusty road, bound by their vows. One of those vows? Never touch a woman.
Hours into their journey, they come to a river swollen from rain. There, a woman stands, desperate to cross. She’s afraid, stranded, and visibly distressed. She pleads for help.
Both monks hesitate. The vow is clear. No exceptions.
Then, unexpectedly, one monk walks forward. He lifts her onto his back, carries her across the river, and sets her down on the other side.
The two monks continue walking in silence.
An hour passes. Then two. Then three. Finally, the second monk can't hold it anymore.
"How could you? You broke your vow. You touched her!"
The first monk turns calmly and says:
"I put her down hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?"
Default Mode
Beliefs get hardwired in the brain through emotional repetition. One of the most powerful sources of this repetition? The stories we tell ourselves. Each time we replay a narrative—about who we are, what we must do to succeed, or how others see us—we reinforce that internal script. The more we do something and receive a reward, or tell ourselves a story that validates a particular behavior, the more those neural pathways strengthen.
In my case, showing up fully and personally for clients led to praise, results, and loyalty. That feedback loop created what neuroscientists call a habitual belief-reward circuit, reinforced by the Default Mode Network (DMN).
The DMN is the part of your brain active during rest and self-referential thought. It’s the engine behind your narrative self—the voice that says, "This is who I am."
That’s why when you try to let go of a belief that helped shape your identity, it feels like a threat.
Your ego, wired for safety and continuity, resists. It says: "If we let go of this, who will we be?"
But growth almost always involves that inner death—the moment where you release a part of yourself that once served you so well.
And paradoxically, that’s where expansion lives.
Belief Discovery
Before you even try to rewire or release, you need to become aware of what you're actually carrying. And often, that belief is hiding in plain sight.
Here are a few tools to help you begin discovering the hidden beliefs that might be keeping you stuck:
Track Recurring Frustrations
Look for moments in your week that consistently drain your energy or trigger emotional reactions.
Ask: What about this situation feels familiar? What pattern keeps repeating?
Name the Identity Threat
Ask yourself: If I let go of this task, responsibility, or behavior, what would that say about me?
Your resistance is often protecting a belief tied to your self-worth or identity.
Spot the 'Shoulds'
Pay attention to internal dialogue that begins with "I should..."
These often mask inherited beliefs or subconscious expectations that may no longer serve you.
Review Your Earliest Wins
Think back to a time when you were praised or rewarded for how you showed up (especially in early work or leadership).
Ask: What belief did that moment reinforce? Do I still carry it today?
Use Reflective Prompts
Try journaling with these starters:
Where do I feel pressure to overperform?
What would I never trust someone else to do? Why?
What am I afraid would happen if I stepped back?
Getting Unstuck
Once you've surfaced the belief, then you can begin working with it. Here are 5 tools to start exploring and gently challenging it:
Self-Inquiry via Journaling
Ask: What am I unwilling to delegate? Why?
What would it say about me if I let this go?
What emotion is attached to this task or role?
Explore the Hidden Payoff
Ask: What do I get out of keeping this belief?
Is it control? Validation? Safety?
Often, the thing you refuse to release gives you something that feels emotionally protective.
Interrupt the Narrative with Embodied Practices
Breathwork, meditation, and somatic tools help soften the ego's grip.
When you down-regulate your nervous system, your brain becomes more open to belief revision.
Reframe Identity Narratives
Instead of: *"If I don’t do it, it won’t be as good."
Try: "If I give it away, it might become better than I ever imagined."
Practice Micro-Letting-Go
Start small. Give away something you normally grip.
Notice the resistance. Stay with it. Reflect after.
Unlearning
Growth doesn’t always come from learning something new.
Sometimes, it comes from being brave enough to unlearn something old.
So the real question becomes:
What belief are you still carrying?
And what might become possible if you finally set it down?
